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The Art Of Emotional Intelligence

Updated: Jul 10


The Art of Emotional Intelligence


We Value Emotional Intelligence In Ourselves And Others


But Too Often Shy Away From The Hard Work Required To Cultivate It.

Understanding What EI Really Looks Like And The Steps Needed To

Improve It Could Light A Path To A More Emotionally Adept World.




The Word Of The Day

“To him give all the prophets witness, that through his name whosoever believeth in him shall receive remission of sins.”

‭‭Acts‬ ‭10‬:‭43‬ ‭KJV‬‬



PART 1

A Brief History of Emotional

Intelligence

Psychology Today


Everyone values El, but actually learning the component skills is another matter entirely.

BY MARC BRACKETT, PH.D., AND ROBIN STERN, PH.D.


THIRTY-FOUR YEARS AGO, in a world still debating whether emotions were a disruptive or adaptive force, two research psychologists proposed the concept of emotional intelligence. Peter Salovey and John Mayer contended that there is "a set of skills contributing to the accurate appraisal of emotions in self and others and the effective regulation of emotion in self and others" and that feelings could be harnessed to motivate oneself and to achieve in life. So unorthodox was the notion that people could benefit from their emotions that their article could find a home only in an obscure journal. Five years later, psychologist-writer Daniel Goleman, unconstrained by scholarly review processes, penned Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, which widely popularized the idea.




Decades later, there exists a general understanding that emotions matter and can serve people's goals; emotions have a seat at the table. From gaslighting to rizz, recent words of the year, people have adopted the language of emotions. Parents want their children to have emotional intelligence, and the new field of social and emotional learning is helping teachers bring it into classrooms. Adults understand the importance of El in relationships and consider it a desirable quality in a partner. CEOs see it as

Emotional intelligence supports mental health, but it isn't the whole of mental health.

essential to the 21st-century workplace, a requirement for good decision-making, inspiring others, team functioning, and general productivity; headhunters pose interview questions to assess it.

Further, we know from theory and some preliminary research that the skills of emotional intelligence actually matter.





People who have them are healthier, happier, more effective, and more productive. El predicts things of importance for children and adults. And if the worth of El wasn't clear before 2020, the pandemic halted so much social interaction-the growth medium of EI-that just about everyone hungered for human contact and stumbled in their social and emotional well-being.

However chastened the world is about the value of understanding yourself, maintaining friendships, and mastering daily frustrations, it's inescapable that mental health in the U.S. has been declining in recent decades, especially among the young.

If El contributes to mental health and offers tools to address disappointments and uncertainties, how could that be?





 




As we see it, the number-one problem is implementation.

People give lip service to wanting El but don't necessarily devote effort to gaining the skills. You can't hold a one-hour workshop or put kids in a circle to talk about their feelings and call it EI.

Emotional intelligence consists of a set of skills that advance developmentally, as people do, and their teaching has to be aligned with social and cognitive de-velopment. Just being aware of emotions is not enough. And you can't teach EI to children unless you teach adults first; parents have to live it at home, teachers have to model it in school.

Becoming emotionally healthy and emotionally intelligent is hard work.

That's a hard sell in a culture that, over the past 30 years, has promoted the idea

that you can gain mental health by taking a pill. Effort must go not only into gaining mental health but also maintaining it.






Emotional intelligence supports mental health, but it isn't the whole of mental health. People get anxious or depressed for many reasons: Their biology may incline them to it. A partner suffers a debilitating experience. A breadwinner gets laid off.

The more readily a person can recognize and label their emotional responses to life's roller coaster, the better able they are to address those feelings while experiencing them, so as not to be overwhelmed by them.





Another major factor eroding the mental health of the population is that the world is exponentially more complicated today than even 30 years ago. There are more reasons for kids and adults to be anxious and overwhelmed. Climate change is an existential threat. There are school shootings. The governance of the country has been openly roiling for close to a decade, with a new level of uncertainty accompanying elections.





You can't talk about mental health today without talking about technology. Digital technology was becoming available globally just as the concept of El was introduced. When you are staring at a screen much of the day versus interacting with a live person, you miss out on important emotional currency.




At the same time, algorithms are keeping people in a state of emotional upheaval. Social media in particular have deliberately built into their platforms mechanisms to activate the nervous system. Research has shown a correlation between anxiety and time spent on social media.

It's not impossible to course correct. The world has moved beyond the Freudian idea that emotions sit in a cauldron of the unconscious, driving us to do things we don't want to do. We have an emotion system for a reason. Emotions are helpful.

Happiness tells you that you are achieving your goals. Fear alerts you to prepare for danger. All emotions are data and information. There are skills that can help people use them wisely, but every one of them has to be learned.

Marc Brackett, Ph.D., is the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor in the Child Study

Center. Robin Stern, Ph.D., is the associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and an associate research scientist in the Child Study Center.





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